Unequally Yoked?

Many times growing up in church I heard messages about marriage. Sometimes the focus was instruction to singles contemplating future marriage. Usually at some point 2 Corinthians 6:14 was referenced as biblical evidence that a believer should not marry an unbeliever.

NAU 2 Corinthians 6:14

Do not be bound together with unbelievers;

For what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness,

Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

While I believe that a believer should only marry another believer, in 2 Cor.6:14 the context has nothing to do with marriage. Go ahead and read the chapter for yourself. Not once is the concept of marriage even introduced.

There are some other things that are presented in chapter 6:

• Paul and his ministry partner's self-sacrifice for the sake of ministry to the Corinthians (vv.1-13)
• Paul's instruction to the Corinthians that they not partner up with the false apostles that had infiltrated the Corinthian church - that instead they remember what is true and reject the unbelieving, false apostles (vv.14-18 - this is also one of the main themes in 2 Corinthians).
• One of the major reasons Paul wrote 2 Corinthians was to rebut the false apostles who had come in after his departure and who were threatening the doctrine and life of the church.
• This letter was intended, in part, to serve as an apologetic for Paul's true ministry in the Lord so that the Corinthians wouldn't be led astray by false teachers.

This verse has been so ripped out of context by the evangelical church in the USA that it's almost a crime. It's been said by someone wiser than me that a text taken out of context becomes a pre-text. Meaning, you can basically make any verse say what you want it to say if you get rid of the surrounding context.

Now then, having said the above, let me hastily add that there is biblical evidence that a believer should only marry someone who is a believer. A good illustration of this is found in: 1 Corinthians 7:39, which states that a believing wife whose husband has died is free to remarry…"but only in the Lord."

This phrase, "Only in the Lord" is obviously a reference to a believer marrying another believer.

Now then, regarding divorce and remarriage. Should a believer who has been divorced ever remarry - can they biblically? That's quite another question altogether.

First of all…if someone loses their spouse through death then they are then free to remarry. We know this to be true biblically. Why can they remarry? Because the spouse has died to the covenant taken at the marriage altar. In this case physical death of one partner releases the living partner from the covenant of marriage.

But…what happens when a spouse loses another spouse through divorce? Can that "innocent" person remarry? Consider the following scenarios:

1. Death of marriage covenant by abandonment: If a believing spouse is abandoned by an unbelieving spouse - the believer is not bound but free to remarry - 1 Cor.7:15.
2. Death of marriage covenant by two believers: If a believing spouse divorces a believing spouse - they are to remain unmarried or be reconciled to each other - 1 Cor.7:10-11. The reason God allowed His covenant people the option of divorce in the first place was because people have sinful, hard hearts and are irreconcilable (Matthew 19:1-9).
3. Death of marriage covenant by immorality: If a believing spouse divorces a believing or an unbelieving spouse for the reason of the other's infidelity then they are free from the covenant of marriage and thus free to remarry (see Matthew 5:32 & 19:9).

In two of the above cases, death of covenant by immorality or abandonment by unbeliever, the result is that the "innocent" party is free to remarry.

In the one case, two believers are tragically not being reconciled to each other - they are instructed not to remarry someone else but to be reconciled...or to stay single.

When a spouse dies the other is free to remarry, so it is when a spouse dies by abandonment or immorality. The "innocent" party is always free to remarry…whether from widowhood, abandonment or immorality received by another.

I think that this is where good, redeeming, church discipline helps. That is, if there are two professed believers in a marriage that is falling apart then there should be movement from the church to help the spouses reconcile. If, however, one desires to do whatever is necessary for reconciliation and the other is not - then, the unrepentant should be removed from the fellowship of the church until they repent (see Matthew 18 for church discipline instruction).

You'll notice in the Matthew 18 passage that if it gets to that point of removal from fellowship then the one removed is to be thought of as an unbeliever. If that person is thought of as an unbeliever and they are a spouse saying that they will not be reconciled to their spouse then they are dying to the covenant of marriage by abandonment and the other party is free to remarry.

Same is true in cases of abuse: If the abuser is an unbeliever and is abusing a spouse then is that not death by abandonment? And, if the abuser is a believer then the church discipline rules above would come into play.

I know this is a topic - the discussion of which many times includes deep emotional feelings. I am the son of two believers who divorced. There was an "innocent" party...yet neither remarried.

May God grant much grace, encouragement, and healing to all believers who may have a strained relationship with a spouse. May God grant much grace, encouragement, and healing to the children of those who suffer from those strained and even broken relationships.

May God grant a spouse to those eligible saints who desire a spouse who loves Jesus first in all things and that will love them faithfully.