Am I Too Far Past the Pain?

On June 30, 2002 I was saddened by my own feelings of spiritual superiority over sinners. It's not that I didn't think I was a sinner - it's just that I wasn't walking in sin. I had come to the place where I felt cleaned up and spiritually sanitary. It was nice to look at others and wish they'd come along a little quicker. That is, until God showed me a glimpse of my pride. I sat and wrote the following words:

Am I too far past the pain to show compassion?

Too far past the guilt to shed a tear?

Has my faith become a spiritual distraction,

From telling sinful souls that they are dear?

Dear to Your heart. Blood on Your brow,

Scars in Your hands. Reaching out now.

Grasping at lambs. Pulling them near.

Out of their death. Delivered from fear.

Why do I laugh at sinners and offer them my judgment?

Boycott, snub, and wrinkle up my nose?

Most of the time think I'm above them.

'Till in the mirror my sin shows.

I've turned away shut the door upon the broken.

Forgotten what it's like to live in fear.

Melt me 'till I love enough to show them.

That through Your blood they've been brought near.

Near to Your heart. Blood on Your brow.

Scars in Your hands. Reaching out now.

Grasping at lambs. Pulling them near.

Out of their death. Delivered from fear.

Sometime after penning these words I began to pray that God would do whatever He needed to do to break me. I asked Him to take my health, my financial blessing, my family, and even my life, in order to make me the man of God He wanted me to become.

He has blessed me with brokenness. He has caused me to remember "what it's like to live in fear." He's melted me to where I am more compassionate toward others broken by life, self, others, and sin.

I thank God for His wisdom. I give God all the glory for who He is and for the satisfaction that His presence brings.

Still not arrived...James.