Divorce - Bound or Free?

My family has been affected by divorce. Has yours? If statistics report acurately, you've probably been touched by it personally (you, your parents, friends, relatives). It's everywhere. As Rick so aptly indicated, see link above, the church isn't better off than the unchurched.

The opinions regarding the legitimacy of divorce and remarriage are varied. Sometimes people engage is spirited debate regarding the issue at hand. This is no truer today than is Jesus' time.

What follows is my best understanding of scriptures' overall teaching on the subject (not to be read as exhaustive, but rather, a simple overview).

Jesus' Teaching About Divorce
Matthew 19:1 Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. 2 And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” 4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” 7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” [1]

Footnote
[1] 19:9 Some manuscripts add and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery; other manuscripts except for sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery

Matthew 5:31-32
31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

One of the principles of hermeneutics, bible interpretation and study, is that to take a text out of context makes it become a pretext. In other words, passages don't live in isolation. Scripture must interpret scripture. The whole body of teaching on a given subject, wherever it is found, must be considered in order to discover the whole revealed council of God on a matter.

Please note that the Matthew 5 passage is a quote from Jesus' famed Sermon on the Mount. It's in a laundry list of issues that Jesus is dealing with. The presentation method Jesus is using is: "You've heard it said...but I say..." Divorce is the third issue among six that are dealt with in this presentation style.

In each of the six cases, Jesus takes a common perspective of the day and inverts the thought on the issue. Look at the following examples:

Anger
21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.

Lust
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Divorce
31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Oaths
33 “Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ 34 But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. 36 And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. 37 Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.

Retaliation
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.

Love Your Enemies
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,"

Do you see what He's doing? He's actually making things more difficult. Jesus is raising the bar in each case. It's almost like He's telling people..."You think this command is right? Check out God greater standard!"

It's interesting to note that these commands are given in the same sermon as the Beatitudes...also things that are the raising of the bar. I mean, who among us can live up to that? And, incidentally, could that be an underlying point He's trying to make? The law demonstrates our need of grace. Jesus' commands demonstrate our need of grace: The graces of faith, repentance, ability, etc.

Check out the flow of thought in the Matthew 5 passage:

31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

• "Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce" In that day men were able to write a "certificate of divorce" for any reason at all. Anything that displeased the husband...he could just walk in, throw a "certificate of divorce" on the table, and you were out the door to fend for yourself in a male dominated world.
• 
  "Everyone who divorces his wife...makes her commit adultery...and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery" Jesus immediately attacks the male dominated abuse of easy divorce. It's almost as if He's asking, "Guys, do you not realize what you're making your wife do? When you just write some divorce decree on a whim and send her out, how do you think she's going to survive? You know how she's going to survive...she's going to have to get married again. This is making her commit adultery and making the man she marries commit adultery...because you've divorced her for an illegitimate reason"

• "Except on the ground of sexual immorality"
  What is "Except" if it's not an exception clause? Exception from what?
  *If you divorce a woman for other reasons than her infidelity than you are guilty of sinning against her and the man she marries.
  *If you divorce a woman for her infidelity than you are not guilty of sinning against her or the man she marries
  
• Note, in this passage on divorce, it's understood that a divorced person is probably going to remarry.
  

Is it any wonder then that Jesus reiterates His initial teaching on divorce in Matthew 19 when the Pharisees came to Him and said,

3 “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” 4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” 7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

Notice that He ends up saying the same thing, in essence, as the Matthew 5 passage...but, wait! Hold on! This passage takes a twist!

Whereas Matthew 5 deals specifically with the guilt of one who's not the seeker of the divorce getting remarried...Matthew 19 deals specifically with the guilt or innocence of the one who is in fact the seeker of the divorce. Notice the flow of thought:

• "Whoever divorces his wife...and marries another, commits adultery"
  *Unless it fits in the exception clause, which in this case is as follows: "except for sexual immorality"
  *Unless we twist Jesus' words, this has to mean that if a man divorces a wife who's cheated on him then he's free to remarry, and, if a man divorces a wife that hasn't cheated on him, and he remarries, then he commits adultery.
  
• Bear in mind that both these sections of scripture are spoken to people who are still under the Old Covenant. Jesus had come to replace the Old Covenant with the New. He came to fulfill the Old and usher in a new era. This is what He did. However, when He taught, He taught as One living under the Old Covenant to people under the Old Covenant (But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law - Galatians 4:4).
  

Check out the New Covenant teaching of Paul that sheds additional light on this issue of divorce. It doesn't disagree with Jesus' command, instead, it complements.

1 Corinthians 7:10-16
10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

• Note the points made in the above to married Christians: Don't divorce another believer. If you do, stay unmarried or be reconciled (meaning, if you divorce another Christian...you're still bound, so don't remarry)

12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 Wife, how do you know whether you will save your husband? Husband, how do you know whether you will save your wife?

• Note the points made in the above to Christians who are married to unbelievers: If the unbeliever decides to stay with the Christian, then the Christian should remain married. If the unbeliever decides to divorce the Christian, the Christian must let the other person go. If the unbeliever leaves, abandons the Christian, then the Christian is not bound...and, in context with the instruction to Christians remaining unmarried if divorced from another Christian, it must mean that if an unbeliever departs, that the Christian is free to remarry. Otherwise, what in the world does bound / unbound mean? Remember, Jesus dealt with this issue of being bound and unbound.

Now then, issues of divorce. It seems clear to me that the way someone is not bound, or, put it positively, the way someone formerly married is free to remarry has to fit in one of the following categories:

• Spouse is physically dead - thus not bound legally
• Unbelieving spouse abandoned Christian - thus Christian not bound
• Unfaithful spouse is given a divorce - thus the faithful partner is not bound

In each case someone dies. A person dies physically, morally or contractually.

Is there a deeper issue here? I believe so. Are there different manifestations of abandonment, for example? I think so. Consider the following: Physical, mental, severe emotional abuse - are these not types of abandonment - dying to the marriage partner and marriage vows? I think so. What about someone who looks at pornography? Is that not a committing adultery? It is in Jesus' perspective. Then, does that not fit into the category of marital unfaithfulness and sexual immorality...which instance is grounds for the innocent party seeking a divorce and the innocent party remarrying?

Taken as a whole, the doctrine of divorce is more involved than one might think at first blush.

Now then, having said all that, let me quickly add that the grace of God can restore even the worst of marriages...and, I believe God wants to do just that! The threat of divorce shouldn't be used as a tool of manipulation. A dissatified spouse shouldn't look for a "biblical" reason to divorce, after all, God hates divorce (For the Lord, the God of Israel, says that he hates divorce - Malachi 2:16).

May God restore marriages, bring to repentance those in sin on this issue, and restore the broken.