An Intimate Note from My Journal

I personally have really been impacted by things God has been teaching me over the last several months. Though my journal is a very private thing (my wife doesn't even read it), I feel impressed to share with you a portion of today's entry. It will give you a window into my soul:

"It is so interesting to me that I can feel so weak and not even feel like I'm having a spectacular walk with You - and, yet, at the points of ministry opportunity You shine through me in magnificent ways. I am so aware that without You I am destroyed and useless:
1. Spiritually - I can't sustain myself - let alone others
- You do the filling, drawing and empowering
2. Relationally - Ali and I have faced challenges and stresses but You've provided life at every turn
3. Ministerially - I can't gift myself for any task
- I can't make people desire You or have receptivity
- I can't create real opportunities for true ministry
- I can't strengthen or empower myself
- I can't put my gifts on auto-pilot...each time of use they must
be set aflame to effectiveness by You
"It's warmly strange - I welcome it - this knowledge that I'm one step away from stupid - one stumble from destroyed - one crack and I'm done...in every way! You, O Lord, have made it clear to me that though I bring nothing to Your table but brokenness - You send me from your table with adequacy for life, for conduct befitting saints, empowerment and opportunity for ministry.

"To You be all the honor, glory and praise."